I know that among the readers of my blog, there are several of you who love children and desire to raise many of them.  I hope what I am about to share encourages you, and uplifts your hearts.

I am not usually this upfront about my feelings, I do tend to wear a mask when I am feeling down or depressed.  I pray that the Lord will give me the transparency  needed to have true fellowship with my family in Christ.

I had been very depressed since Thanksgiving evening. I was depressed until this morning.  So, for those of you at church who asked how I was doing yesterday, I am sorry for not being more honest in my answers.

On Thanksgiving evening we had a family dinner at a relative’s house, a handful of family members were present.  One in particular who loves me very much, yet disagrees that we are being responsible in having many kids, makes sure to tell me every time I see her, in one way or another, that she would like us not to have anymore.  I only see this loved one 1-2 times a year.  And she always says something to try to discourage me from conceiving again.

I know myself and my desires. I know that God has woven into the very fabric of my being, the desire to have many children. I know God has given me the ability to love in a capacity that would make me feel less than complete if I gave up the chance to bear the blessings God has brought my way.  I know that aside from being a wife to my sweetheart, my greatest earthly joy comes from being a mother.  I know that my very soul cries out to carry a child within me.  Some women want to be doctors or ballerinas. I want to be a wife and a mommy. I have no other earthly aspirations. I want to raise many mighty warriors for the kingdom of God.  

So, when said person tells me that I should have no more kids, I feel like she is rejecting the very core of who I am. I feel like since I have rejected her advice year after year, she is gravely disappointed in me and all I have become. I love this person so very much, and had been feeling very hurt by her comments. I had it in my mind to conceive just to spite her, which of course is an evil thought, and very unfair for the child who would come of it, as well as my husband.  Then I had almost decided that if she didn’t want me to have more children, I just wouldn’t tell her whenever I did have more.  This of course would have hurt her deeply, because she does love our current children very much and would want to know if there were more family members to love.

As you can probably tell, I had been having a rather fleshly weekend.  I’d cried a lot, because I knew I was in the flesh, yet I was feeling so hurt, that I felt helpless to change my attitude.  

This loved one who always discourages me does so because she loves me.  She did not have a good Christian home, or marriage. She does not understand that my worldview is so different from hers.  She thinks her advise is wise, and because she loves me, she gives it every time I see her.

I spoke to my Dad about it this morning.  He assured me that this relative only comments because she loves me very much.  I think he gave me some of the best advice ever. This is the part I want to share with you other mommies.

“If you are strong enough to raise many children for thirty plus years, then little comments like those from ——–, should be like little drops in a bucket in comparison. You are strong enough to not let the comments get to you.”

I was feeling so down from hurtful comments, that I had forgotten that God has given me strength to raise my family. And it takes much more strength to raise many kids than to not be hurt by yearly handfuls of comments from someone I rarely see.

My Dad also told me that if someone is easily offended and overly sensitive, then in a job like raising a large family, they will feel overworked, depressed, and sometimes close to insanity, because someone who is easily offended, cannot possibly do such a huge job as raising a large family.

I have in the past felt very overworked, very depressed and yes, even very insane. I guess this means I need to develop thicker skin.

So, I guess I just wanted to share with you all what has been such an encouragement to me today and hopefully many years to come. If God has placed within your heart the desire to have a large family, then he has given you the strength needed to accomplish it.  You may not always feel strong,  in fact, I, myself, rarely feel strong. But we have divine strength, and we really don’t need to sweat the little stuff.  God is here, he is our God, he is our strength.

Have a blessed week raising your little signs of God’s favor.

Yesterday I asked Gabe to put his shoes away,  he obeyed and I said,  “Thank you, Handsome.”

 He said, “You’re welcome, my lady. Mommy you’re the best lady I’ve ever seen. I’m very happy to see you.”

And of course, my heart melted right on cue.