I know that among the readers of my blog, there are several of you who love children and desire to raise many of them.  I hope what I am about to share encourages you, and uplifts your hearts.

I am not usually this upfront about my feelings, I do tend to wear a mask when I am feeling down or depressed.  I pray that the Lord will give me the transparency  needed to have true fellowship with my family in Christ.

I had been very depressed since Thanksgiving evening. I was depressed until this morning.  So, for those of you at church who asked how I was doing yesterday, I am sorry for not being more honest in my answers.

On Thanksgiving evening we had a family dinner at a relative’s house, a handful of family members were present.  One in particular who loves me very much, yet disagrees that we are being responsible in having many kids, makes sure to tell me every time I see her, in one way or another, that she would like us not to have anymore.  I only see this loved one 1-2 times a year.  And she always says something to try to discourage me from conceiving again.

I know myself and my desires. I know that God has woven into the very fabric of my being, the desire to have many children. I know God has given me the ability to love in a capacity that would make me feel less than complete if I gave up the chance to bear the blessings God has brought my way.  I know that aside from being a wife to my sweetheart, my greatest earthly joy comes from being a mother.  I know that my very soul cries out to carry a child within me.  Some women want to be doctors or ballerinas. I want to be a wife and a mommy. I have no other earthly aspirations. I want to raise many mighty warriors for the kingdom of God.  

So, when said person tells me that I should have no more kids, I feel like she is rejecting the very core of who I am. I feel like since I have rejected her advice year after year, she is gravely disappointed in me and all I have become. I love this person so very much, and had been feeling very hurt by her comments. I had it in my mind to conceive just to spite her, which of course is an evil thought, and very unfair for the child who would come of it, as well as my husband.  Then I had almost decided that if she didn’t want me to have more children, I just wouldn’t tell her whenever I did have more.  This of course would have hurt her deeply, because she does love our current children very much and would want to know if there were more family members to love.

As you can probably tell, I had been having a rather fleshly weekend.  I’d cried a lot, because I knew I was in the flesh, yet I was feeling so hurt, that I felt helpless to change my attitude.  

This loved one who always discourages me does so because she loves me.  She did not have a good Christian home, or marriage. She does not understand that my worldview is so different from hers.  She thinks her advise is wise, and because she loves me, she gives it every time I see her.

I spoke to my Dad about it this morning.  He assured me that this relative only comments because she loves me very much.  I think he gave me some of the best advice ever. This is the part I want to share with you other mommies.

“If you are strong enough to raise many children for thirty plus years, then little comments like those from ——–, should be like little drops in a bucket in comparison. You are strong enough to not let the comments get to you.”

I was feeling so down from hurtful comments, that I had forgotten that God has given me strength to raise my family. And it takes much more strength to raise many kids than to not be hurt by yearly handfuls of comments from someone I rarely see.

My Dad also told me that if someone is easily offended and overly sensitive, then in a job like raising a large family, they will feel overworked, depressed, and sometimes close to insanity, because someone who is easily offended, cannot possibly do such a huge job as raising a large family.

I have in the past felt very overworked, very depressed and yes, even very insane. I guess this means I need to develop thicker skin.

So, I guess I just wanted to share with you all what has been such an encouragement to me today and hopefully many years to come. If God has placed within your heart the desire to have a large family, then he has given you the strength needed to accomplish it.  You may not always feel strong,  in fact, I, myself, rarely feel strong. But we have divine strength, and we really don’t need to sweat the little stuff.  God is here, he is our God, he is our strength.

Have a blessed week raising your little signs of God’s favor.

Yesterday I asked Gabe to put his shoes away,  he obeyed and I said,  “Thank you, Handsome.”

 He said, “You’re welcome, my lady. Mommy you’re the best lady I’ve ever seen. I’m very happy to see you.”

And of course, my heart melted right on cue.

Ok, 10 points everyone. Who said this…

“He who drinks beer sleeps well. He who sleeps does not sin. He who does not sin goes to heaven. But in heaven there is no beer, so we drink it here.”

There is a brand of diaper rash cream named Butt Paste.  We had some given to us a while back and despite the name I love the product. It is one of the best I’ve used on my children.  Well, now whenever I put anything on my kids’ little tushies, whether it’s vaseline, desitin, or any other rash ointment or cream, they affectionately call it “Butt Paste”.  And they know that Butt Paste helps “ouchy butts” feel better. So, there’s the backround…

All four of my kids have been throwing up for the past few days. Aaron must have had an “ouchy mouth” (sore throat) from throwing up so much, because he came to me yesterday,  with the most sweet, you-must-pity-me little voice and asked, “Mommy, can you put some Butt Paste in my mouth? I have an ouchy mouth.”

You know, it can actually get physically painful to hold in laughter, when all you really want to do is comfort your sick little child.  

Gabe tells me today,”Sometimes cannibals can be dangerous.”

Indeed.

I don’t know how many of you have had nitrous (laughing gas) before. But that stuff is crazy.

Friday I had four impacted partial-boney wisdom teeth surgically removed.  They gave me nitrous as well as locals. They let me numb up, then went to work. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about what was happening. I am phobic of dentists and all the pain they represent, so of course sitting with my mouth open at the hands of an oral surgeon was a bit stomach turning for me.

With my eyes closed, I started to believe I was sleeping, but then I would open my eyes, and realize I really was awake. I felt like I was in a dreamworld. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what reality was and why I was sleeping in a strange chair. Then the surgeon started talking, I think, Who is he talking to? “Ok, your going to feel some pushing”…Pushing?…”Ok, almost.”…Am I pushing?…“Ok, It’s out.”…What!!??, How did I have a baby!? I don’t think I was pregnant. Did I just have a baby?What’s going on???

For the next five minute I sat there trying to wake up mentally and figure out what in the world was going on. Oh, yeah, I’m getting my wisdom teeth out. I feel silly. I open my eyes again to see if I am indeed still under a bright light with a guys hands in my mouth. Yes. Ok, just close your eyes again, relax, you’ll be done soon then you can go home and take a nap…take a nap…nap. Surgeon starts talking again, “Turn your head to the left a bit, keep your mouth open.” Who is he talking to? “A little more to the left, ok, now close your mouth just a little.” Is he talking to me? Doesn’t he know I’m asleep? “Open wide.” I’m asleep. Why is he talking to me. I wish he would just let me rest.

Finally, he finished all four teeth, put gauze in my mouth to bite on and switched the nitrous to oxygen to bring me back out of my dreamworld. I had a nice visit while I was there though. I told Josh I wish I could bring some nitrous home with me, he said, “No, that would be an abuse of it.” Yeah, I guess he’s right.

So, now I’m recovering. I’m on bedrest for a few days. Despite all the ice I kept on my face, it still got all swollen. I look like shrek, except not green =) or maybe a really big chipmunk. I’ve been sleeping a lot. The pain meds keep me sleepy, so I’m trying to stay away from the stairs as much as I can.

But praise God that the surgery went smoothly. It only took about 45mins. I feel the pain easing up little by little. I know a lot of people were praying for me.  If you were one of them, thanks!